


Something to Talk About

by artificialheart



Series: The Pelican Gang [2]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Closeted Characters, Coming Out, Dick Jokes, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mystery, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Romance, Sexual Humor, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11495817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialheart/pseuds/artificialheart
Summary: Mayor Lewis has lost his shorts, so Abigail decides to play Nancy Drew with Sam and Sebastian.It goes about as well as you'd expect.





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> The promised sequel to [Come to Light](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10531908/chapters/23252160)! It's not 100% required to read it in order to read this one, but if you came here for the Sambastian I'd highly recommend it.
> 
> As of December 2017, the introduction has been rewritten. Features more of Abigail, and a less incompetent (female) farmer.

Abigail hates when her dad makes her do this.

“It’ll only take a few minutes,” he promises, holding a yellow piece of paper out towards her. “It’s good for business; it shows her we have the best customer service in town. Do you think Joja personally hands out flyers?”

She groans, accepting the obnoxiously bright flyer from him. Maybe business would be better if her dad’s fliers didn’t look like they made by a little kid using a computer for the first time. Abigail considers giving it to Sebastian, instead; she’s sure he would appreciate the awful font, and cheesy clip art of flower bouquets decorating the bottom of the sheet.

Wait, flower bouquets? Abigail frowns, studying the flyer a little harder.

 

_Dear Farmer,_

_It seems like you're starting to get close with some of the townspeople. If you want to show someone that you're romantically interested, you've got to give them one of my beautiful flower bouquets. I'm selling them now, for a very fair price! If you want to start a family someday, this is the first step!_

_\- Pierre_

 

“Yoba, Dad, this is _terrible_.” Abigail folds the flyer in half. “Do I really have to give this to the farmer? It’s so embarrassing.”

Her father looks up from the cash register, fixing her with a stern look. “Joja is trying to _run us out of business_ , Abigail. Smarten up.”

Abigail sighs, and stuffs the flier into her pocket. “Fine.”

She pulls her scarf up over her face as she heads out the door. If she’s lucky, she won’t run into the farmer on her way there. Maybe she can just stuff it in the mailbox, and hurry back before the farmer catches her.

Oh Yoba… what if the farmer’s already outside? What if she reads the letter while Abigail’s standing there? Abigail thinks she might actually die if she has to personally hand over the flyer; she can’t imagine the farmer being interested in ‘starting a family’ with her (or anyone in town, for that matter) after reading it.

Abigail’s dad has already ruined her love life, and it hasn’t even started yet.

Her heart is beating embarrassingly fast as she arrives at the farm. Abigail’s never been very religious, but she sends her silent thanks to Yoba as she scans the grounds, and doesn’t see any sign of the farmer. There’s a fresh blanket of powdery snow covering the farm, and oh, it’s so gorgeous, Abigail can almost pretend that her dream of living here one day isn’t about to be crushed by a lame flyer.

Carefully, she opens the mailbox, and drops the stupid flyer inside. It lands on a pile of letters. There’s a lot of letters in the farmer’s mailbox, actually. Abigail fishes one of them out, and opens the unsealed envelope.

 

_Farmer,_

_This is embarrassing... I lost my lucky purple shorts. I'm telling you because I think I can trust you. If you find them, bring them back to me DISCREETLY. I'll pay well._

_Thanks, Mayor Lewis_

 

Abigail wasn’t planning on attending today’s impromptu jam session – last night Sam sent her some lyrics he’s been working on, and they’re all horribly cheesy love songs about Sebastian – but she’s just made a very intriguing discovery, one that needs to be shared with Sam and Sebastian immediately.

She tucks the Mayor’s letter into her coat pocket, and pulls out her phone, shooting off a quick text to Sam to let him know that she’s changed her mind about coming over.

He doesn’t answer his phone, but Abigail starts to head back for his house, anyways; Sam’s never cared about her showing up unannounced before.

Once Abigail's let herself inside Sam’s house, and stripped off her winter gear, she knocks on his bedroom door. There’s a distinct lack of music coming from inside, and Abigail can guess what they’ve been up to instead. “You guys have thirty seconds to untangle your tongues before I open this door,” she calls out. Abigail gives them forty seconds, because she’s in a good mood, before turning the doorknob and stepping into the room.

Sam sits up, breathing hard, with his ridiculous blond hair looking even more mussed up than usual. “Do you mind?” He’s straddling Sebastian, who’s sprawled out on Sam’s bed and looking mildly annoyed.

Abigail rolls her eyes. “I have some dirt on Lewis. Do you want to hear it or not?”

“Fuck yeah,” Sam replies, with enthusiasm. “Can you make it quick, though? Seb and I were, uh… kinda busy.”

“You’re going to need to reschedule,” Abigail says, smirking. “Trust me, this is good.”

Sam climbs off Sebastian’s lap, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. Sebastian looks displeased about this sudden change of plans, but he scoots over to sit next to Sam.

Abigail holds out the letter. “I found this in the farmer’s mailbox,” she announces.

Sebastian squints at the writing. “You went through the farmer’s mail? Isn’t that illegal?” He asks the question like he doesn’t buy and smoke illegal substances on a monthly basis.

“Look, my dad asked me to put a flyer in her box… and I _may_ have taken a small peek to see what else was in there,” Abigail admits. “I don’t think the farmer ever checks her mail, there was a ton of unopened letters inside.”

Sam nods. “My mom sent her a letter in the spring asking for some cauliflower, and she never brought us one.” He sighs, then adds, “she brings us a _ton_ of mayo, though. It’s so gross, but my mom loves it. We have, like, five jars in the fridge.”

“So what’s the letter say?” Sebastian interjects. “I can’t read it from here.” Sam takes the letter from Abigail, and Sebastian leans in to read it, squinting again.

“Dude, you need glasses,” Sam mutters.

“Glasses are for nerds,” Sebastian declares. “I can read just fine, thanks; it says Mayor Dumbass lost his shorts, and we need to run them up a flag pole.”

Pelican Town doesn’t actually have a flag pole, but Abigail knows that’s not going to stop Sam and Sebastian from finding somewhere to publicly hang them. “Right,” she agrees, “so I was wondering if you guys want to help me find them?”

Sam and Sebastian exchange reluctant looks.

“Come on, guys,” Abigail says, giving them a pleading look. “It’s kind of like an adventure… or a mystery. It’ll be fun.”

“Whatever you say, Nancy Drew,” Sebastian replies, looking unconvinced.

“Yeah, well if I’m Nancy Drew that makes you the _Hard_ -y Boys.” Abigail grins. “Emphasis on hard,” she adds, when Sam and Sebastian don’t laugh.

Sam shakes his head. “Dick jokes aren’t funny when you’re the one telling them, Abby.”

“If you guys help me, I won’t complain about any dick jokes for the next week,” Abigail promises, “ _and_ I’ll let you pick what we do with the shorts after.”

She’s going to regret that promise – Abigail guesses the resulting prank will land them another ten hours of community service _at least_ – but she _really_ wants to know what happened to the Mayor’s ‘shorts’. Besides the arrival of the new farmer, it’s probably the most interesting thing that’s happened in Pelican Town all year. Even if it turns out to be nothing more than a lame fetch quest, it sure beats sitting around and watching her friends make out.

Sam and Sebastian spend the next five minutes having a whispered debate about what they’d rather do, as if Abby’s not standing a foot away, and can clearly hear both of them.

“We’re in,” Sam agrees, and Sebastian nods reluctantly.  

Abigail beams. “Excellent. We’re starting now.”

“Starting where, exactly?” Sebastian asks.

She considers their possible options. “We could try the spa, maybe?” she suggests. “Where else would he be taking off his pants?”

“That makes sense,” Sam agrees. He glances up at his clock. “We should go now, before Vince gets back with my mom; if he asks to tag along my mom’s gonna make us bring him.” Sam stands up from his bed, then nudges Sebastian’s knee. “Come on, let’s find you a proper jacket.”

Abigail smirks. “I bet one of Jodi’s will fit.”

“Oh fuck off,” Sebastian replies. “I don’t need a jacket, I don’t get cold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been literal months since I've updated this fic, but I after I rewrote this first chapter I went ahead and finished the second one, so that should be up sometime this week. :)


	2. The Spa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nancy Drew and the Hard-y Boys investigate the spa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've taken so long to update this story that it's now become seasonally appropriate. Amazing. For returning readers, I'd suggest rereading the first chapter, since it's been rewritten with some new content. :)
> 
> Like the new tags warn, this chapter contains some internalized homophobia, and so will future chapters. I shouldn't need to say this, but the view and actions of the characters don't necessarily match my own.

It takes them thirty minutes to actually leave the house, ten of which Sam spends coaxing Sebastian into his denim jacket. The other twenty are spent rounding up Sam's house keys, his wallet, his backpack, and one of his boots.

They finally make it out Sam's front door, and then the trek up to the spa takes them about forty minutes, because Sebastian insists on walking through the outskirts of town. He claims it's because he doesn't want to have to stop and make small talk with anyone on the way there, and Abigail figures it's actually because Sebastian doesn't want anyone to notice that he's holding Sam’s hand.

Abigail loves her friends – really, she does – but taking an hour to get to the spa is just excessive.

“That's the longest walk I've ever taken to get here,” she complains, once they've finally inside the chlorine-scented entrance of the spa.

“Not my fault Sam's an idiot who can't keep track of his things,” Sebastian retorts. “The only thing he hasn't managed to lose is his virginity.”

Sam elbows Sebastian, without letting go of his hand. “Fuck off, Seb; you're a virgin too.”

Abigail rolls her eyes. “Thank Yoba I have _something_ over you two losers.”

“Wait. You’re not a virgin?” Sam asks. “How’d you get laid before either of us? We _clearly_ have better hair.”

“I bet she tried to fuck a ghost,” Sebastian mutters to him, and Sam fails to stifle his laughter. In a louder voice Sebastian asks, “Hey Abby, have you ever used your spirit board to sext a ghost? I bet you have.”

Abigail glares at them both. “Shut up, idiots,” she says, pushing open the door to the men’s change room. “Don’t be jealous.”

Inside the change room, the three of them dump their jackets on one of the metal benches, along with Sam’s backpack. “Sam, you’re going to help me check the lockers,” Abigail announces, as she unwinds her scarf, “and Seb… you get to look in the toilet stalls, that’s what you get for being a dick.”

Sebastian sighs.

“No dicking around,” Abigail warns Sam, as Sebastian disappears around the corner, presumably to do anything _but_ search the stalls. She makes a mental note to check them herself before leaving.

Abigail opens the first locker door with ease; one of the perks of living in a town with a population of less than fifty is that no one actually bothers to lock their locker. 

Sam pulls his shirt up over his nose. “Yoba, that smells terrible.” he says, his voice muffled by fabric.

“If you think that’s bad, you should smell my locker,” Abigail replies, smirking.

He reaches over her shoulder, and pulls a moldy sandwich in a clear plastic bag out of the locker. “Hey Seb?” Sam calls. “Get back here, I dare you to eat this sandwich we just found.”

Abigail smacks the plastic baggie out of his hands. “No,” she scolds, “absolutely not."

Sebastian wanders back into the locker area, and studies the sandwich on the floor with a look of disgust. “Are you trying to kill me?”

She moves on to the next locker as Sam and Sebastian argue over what to do with the sandwich. The first two lockers on the bottom row are empty, and Abigail wonders how many of the town’s residents actually use the spa. Alex does, for sure, and whoever owns the disgusting sandwich. Gus, maybe? She can’t really see Gus disrespecting a perfectly good sandwich by leaving it in a locker, though.

“No, I think we should try to flush it,” Sam insists. “How many do you think it would take? Probably two.”

The next locker proves to be more interesting; there’s a pair of suspenders, a bottle of homemade truffle oil, and a box of condoms. Extra small. Abigail grabs the condom box out of the locker.

“We should save it, maybe we’ll find something else that’s super gross… we could _combine_ them,” Sebastian suggests. “Then stick it in the air vents. No one’ll ever find it; this place is a dump.”

“Hey guys, shut up,” Abigail interrupts, turning around to face the boys. “I found someone’s weird sex stash.”

“Dude, what the fuck,” Sebastian says, taking the box of condoms from her. “Extra small?”

“Lucky you, Seb; now you don’t have to buy any,” Abigail teases. Sebastian scowls at her as he tears one of the foil condom packages open. “Give me one,” she says, holding out her hand, “I bet I can blow a better dick balloon than you can.”

Sebastian passes her a condom, and then hands another to Sam. “On the count of three,” he says, once they’ve each opened their condoms, “thirty seconds, biggest dick wins… and according to the spirit board, it’ll probably be Abby.”

Abigail rolls her eyes, but complies – she _did_ promise not to complain about any dick jokes.

Thirty seconds later – it might have been forty, or maybe fifty, none of them actually bothered to keep track of the time – they all tie off their condom balloons, then hold them out to compare. Sam’s is considerably larger than the rest.

“Dude,” Sebastian says, looking impressed. “How’d you get it so big?”

Sam frowns at his balloon. “I dunno, it looks normal-sized to me?” He lets go of the condom balloon, and wipes his hands off on his pants. “Ugh, why are they so slimy?”

Abigail doesn’t answer him, just exchanges a smirk with Sebastian while Sam’s back is turned. “I think he’ll be grateful for that one day,” she mutters, as she sticks the dick balloon in the weird sex locker, and Sebastian snorts. “I hope he’s joking, for your sake.”

Sebastian sets his balloon beside hers, and shrugs. “He didn’t seem all that clueless when I was making out with him,” he says, with a slight grin. Sebastian picks up Sam’s balloon from the floor – there’s a bit of hair stuck to the slimy lubricant, and Abigail gags a little – and stows it in the locker with the rest of the balloons. “Should we take the rest of this stuff, or nah?”

Abigail hesitates for a moment, and then shakes her head. “We’re supposed to be searching for the shorts,” she reminds Sebastian, as he closes the locker, “not _stealing_ stuff.”

He shrugs. “Sam’s still looking,” Sebastian says, nodding in Sam’s direction. “Find anything good, Sam?”

“Well, I didn’t find the shorts yet, but uh… you guys should come see this.” Sam steps back from the fourth locker, his cheeks flushed. “It’s Alex’s, I think; there’s some gridball stuff in here.”

Abigail whistles as she glances inside the locker. “Hot damn.”

She’s never seen so many pictures of half-naked bodybuilders in her life.

“Yeah, wow,” Sebastian agrees, “that’s quite the collection.” He pulls one of the posters off the locker door. Abigail swears his cheeks look a little pinker than usual. “Who knew Alex plays for the other team?”

“Or maybe he swings both ways,” she suggests, shrugging. “Either way, I hope he uses proper protection, you know what I mean?” Abigail grins, and tucks the box of condoms inside Alex’s locker.

Sebastian laughs. “Do you think he’s pitcher or catcher?”

“Well, he's really good at gridball, I think he could play either position,” Sam chimes in. He hesitates for a moment, and then frowns. “Wait. What sport are we talking about?”

Abigail’s grin grows even wider. Turning to Sam, she reaches up, taking his face in both of her hands. “Oh, Sam,” she begins, in a sympathetic tone, “my sweet, sweet summer child.”

“Shut up,” Sam retorts, though he still looks a little lost. “I’m older than you are.”

“Aww, don’t worry rookie,” Abigail says, pinching Sam’s cheeks before releasing him. “I’m sure you’ll get to third base soon enough. Maybe even score a home run, if you’re lucky.” She winks, and Sam’s cheeks go pink again.

“You guys could’ve told me you were talking about sex,” he mutters. “And, uh, while we’re on the subject… what’s third base again? I know what a home run is. Obviously.”

Sebastian mimes giving a blow job with his mouth and hand, and this time Sam’s face goes completely red.

“You’re so crude, Seb,” Abigail says, rolling her eyes. She watches as Sam quickly busies himself with the next locker, and Abigail can’t tell if he’s just embarrassed, or turned on. She hopes it’s the first.

Whichever it is, Sam seems to be over it a few minutes later, because he excitedly calls for their attention as he pulls a wad of purple fabric out of the locker. “Seb, Abby, I think I found them!” He proudly holds the purple shorts up in the air.

“Oh,” Abby says, her excitement turning to disappointment, and then dread, as she realizes that she’s seen those shorts before. “Oh no. Those aren’t the mayor’s… they’re my dad’s.”

“Really?” Sam lowers the swim shorts, holding them in front of his legs. “Kind of short, aren’t they?” he asks, looking down.

 “I know, I don’t remind me,” she groans. “I’m traumatized enough.”

Abigail opens another locker as a distraction. It’s completely empty, except for a single jar of homemade mayonnaise. She sets it on the empty bench, next to the one covered in jackets, because she feels a little bad for the farmer. Abigail’s not going to eat it, but maybe she can wash the jar out and return it to the farmer. That would be nice, right?

“Oh, gross, why does everyone in Pelican Town bring their porn to the pool?” Sam asks. “Doesn’t it get wet?” Abigail looks over, and oh, Yoba, he’s still looking through her dad’s locker.

“Whose locker did you find that in?” Sebastian asks, abandoning his own search. “Let me see.”

“It’s _Pierre’s_.” Sam flips through the magazine with a look of disgust. “It was folded up in a different pair of shorts… Oh Yoba, Seb, look at their _hair_.”

Abigail groans again, covering her face with her hands. “Sam, please, shut up. I don’t want details.”

“Hey, it’s an exciting moment for Sam. I think it’s the first time he’s ever seen a naked lady.”

“Must be an exciting day for both of you,” Abigail mutters, and through the gaps between her fingers she can see Sebastian flipping her off. “Can you put that back, please? I think I’m actually going to throw up.”

Sam stuffs the magazine back in her dad’s locker. “Definitely gay,” he mumbles to himself. 

“Are we done yet?” Sebastian asks, taking a seat on the empty bench. He frowns at the jar of mayonnaise sitting next to him, and picks it up. “I don’t give a fuck about the mayor’s shorts anymore.”

“We’re not leaving until we’ve checked the entire change room,” Abigail insists. “The shorts _have_ to be in here somewhere, where else would Lewis be stripping down?”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “That’s way too logical.” He holds up the jar of mayonnaise. “Look, if people can forget their fucking _mayonnaise_ in a locker room, they’d probably lose their shorts somewhere stupid, too. Like, I don’t know… the library.”

“I accidentally left my pants at Joja Mart once,” Sam helpfully supplies, proving Sebastian’s point.

Abigail thinks about that for a moment, and then decides she doesn’t really want to know why Sam would be taking his pants off at work. “Fine,” she agrees, “point taken.”

“So we can leave, right?” Sebastian asks, sounding hopeful. “Hey, maybe he left them at the saloon. On the pool table. We should definitely check there.” He stands, and then reaches for Sam’s bag, stuffing the jar of mayonnaise inside.

“We should check the showers first,” Abigail suggests, as he zips up the bag, and Sebastian groans.

“You guys check. I’m going out for a smoke,” he decides, pulling Sam’s jean jacket back on over his hoodie.

Sam grabs his own coat, and then wraps an arm around Sebastian’s shoulders. “Me too. We’ll wait for you outside, okay Abby?”

Abigail moves to block the door. “No way. I’m not an idiot; I know what you’re trying to do.”

“Yeah, go for a smoke,” Sebastian repeats, pulling his lighter out of his pocket. “Look, I’ll light one up right now if you don’t believe me. Do you really think my mom would let me in the house with a lit cigarette?”

Abigail’s about to reply, when she feels something solid smack into the back of her head. “Fuck,” she exclaims instead, stumbling forward. “What the fuck?”

“Shit, my bad,” Alex says, stepping into the change room, “I didn’t mean to hit you.” He glances between Abigail, who’s still clutching her head; Sebastian, who’s still holding his lighter; and Sam, who’s still got an arm draped around Sebastian’s shoulders. “What are you doing in here, anyways?”

“None of your business,” Sam answers for her, as he lets go of Sebastian. “What are _you_ doing here?”

Alex gives Sam a weird look. “What do you think?”

“Must be leg day,” Sebastian whispers to Sam, a little too loudly, as Alex walks past them.

“I’m working on my upper body today, actually,” Alex replies, stopping at his locker. “Unlike you, I actually come here to work out, not mess around.” He glances in their direction, looking Sebastian up and down. “Maybe you should try it sometime; you’d fill out your boyfriend’s jacket better.”

“Maybe you should try reading a book sometime,” Sam fires back, and while that doesn’t really fit the context of the argument, it does effectively shut Alex up. Sebastian doesn't say anything, just glares at Alex as he absently flicks his lighter on and off. 

“Do you mind?” Alex asks, turning back to face the trio. “I need to change.”

Abigail rolls her eyes. It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before – she’s had the misfortune of seeing way more of Sam than she’s ever wanted to, on more than one occasion. Still, she grabs her coat, and heads for the door again. “You have ten minutes,” she warns Alex, “and then I’m coming back in, whether you’re ready or not.”

“I was talking to them, actually,” he says, nodding towards Sam and Sebastian.

“This is the men’s locker room,” Sebastian snaps. “We’re allowed to be here. Go change in one of the toilet stalls if you’re insecure about your dick size.”

Alex scowls. “I’m not insecure… I just don’t want either of you twinks checking it out.”

Sebastian snorts. “Look, Jockstrap, just because _you_ like staring at half-naked men doesn’t mean every guy in a locker room is there to gawk at your cock.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Alex demands.

“Dude, we saw your posters,” Sam explains. “It looks like a gay porn site exploded in there.”

“They’re not porn! They’re inspirational! There’s nothing gay about having fitness goals!” Alex folds his arms over his chest, his cheeks and ears flushed red. “How would you even know what a gay porn website looks like, anyways?”

“Like a regular porn website,” Sebastian suggests, because Sam looks too embarrassed to answer, “with more dicks.”

Alex shrugs. "I wouldn't know. I guess I have better things to do with my time than-"

“Are you guys finished with your dick-measuring contest?" Abigail interrupts. "Because I’m trying to solve a mystery here.” She leans back against the change room door, arms crossed.

“Mystery?” Alex repeats, looking relieved at the change of topic. “Is that why you’re in the men’s locker room?”

“Yeah, we’re solving the mystery of the missing gay porn,” Sebastian replies. “Turns out it’s all in your locker. Case closed, let’s go.”

He stuffs his hands into his hoodie pocket, and heads for the door, with Sam following closely behind. Abigail shrugs at Alex – yeah, the porn comments were a little mean, but she can’t exactly blame them for getting upset after Alex took a stab at their sexuality. “You started it,” she offers, as he glares at Sam and Sebastian. “You shouldn’t have called them that.”

“I’m going to tell Lewis that you guys were looking through people’s lockers,” Alex calls after them, as Abigail follows her friends out the door. “If you took any of my stuff, I swear to Yoba…”

Abigail knows she shouldn’t stoop to petty threats, but her mom’s going to kill her if she finds out that she was messing around in the men’s locker room with Sam and Sebastian. She stalls in the doorway, then turns back to look at Alex.

“I wouldn’t mention it, if I were you. Unless you want the entire town gossiping about the stash of muscle magazines in your locker.” Alex’s eyes widen. “Hey Seb, what’s that saying about glass houses?”

“Guys who live in glass closets shouldn’t call other dudes twinks?”

“Sure, let’s go with that,” Abigail agrees. “See you later, Alex. We’ll keep your secret as long as you keep ours.” She lingers behind just long enough to see the way Alex's face falls, the way he fidgets with his jacket, his hair, his locker door; like he’s desperate for some sort of distraction that’ll help him hold everything together until they’ve left.

She leaves then, with a tiny bit of guilt, catching up to Sam and Sebastian in the lobby.

“Fuck, Abby, that was badass,” Sam says enthusiastically, as they’re exiting the spa. “Did you see his face?”

“You guys didn’t have to be such dicks to him,” Abigail replies, with a small frown.

Sebastian shrugs. “Don’t feel bad for him; he deserved it. He’s an arrogant asshole.”

“And he smacked you with the door,” Sam adds. “How’s your head, by the way?”

Abigail doesn’t bother pointing out that it was an accident. “It’s alright,” she says, reaching up to feel the back of her head again. “I think I’ll ask Gus for some ice when we get to the Saloon. Whose turn is it to buy food this week?”

“Sam’s,” Sebastian answers. “Unless he beats me at pool, but we all know that won’t happen.”

“Fuck off,” Sam says with a laugh, giving Sebastian a playful shove that sends him directly into a snowbank.

“Oh, now you’ve done it, Sam,” Abigail says, her face relaxing into a smile. “He’s going to be complaining all night about how his clothes are wet, and how you ruined his hair. I hope you’re happy.”

“He ruined my hair?” Sebastian asks, glaring at Sam. “You asshole; you’re definitely paying for the pizza now.”

Sam grabs hold of Sebastian’s hands, and helps his boyfriend to his feet. “Don’t listen to her; your hair looks fine,” Sam reassures him, and then he pulls Sebastian into a kiss, while they’re still in the privacy of the mountains and empty railroad.

Abigail makes gagging noises until they break apart, because that’s what supportive friends do. “Enough canoodling,” she declares, “start walking. I’m actually going to kill you guys if you take an hour to get to the Saloon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, Alex has been also added to the tags, which means his part in the story isn't finished yet. ;) I've always had a soft spot for Alex; he was the first candidate I married, and I'm excited to explore his character a little in this story.
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](https://pixelatedfarmhouse.tumblr.com/), and steam [here](http://steamcommunity.com/id/spacedoggity).


	3. The Saloon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nancy Drew and the Hard-y boys uncover a new clue at the Saloon.

They occupy their usual spot in the Stardrop Saloon – the arcade. It’s nice there; the music’s a little quieter, and nobody ever ventures in to bother them. Abigail lounges on a couch in the corner, holding a bag of ice to the back of her head, while Sebastian and Sam start up a game of pool.

“We should ask around the bar, maybe,” Abigail suggests some time later, as the boys move on to their third round of pool. “See if anybody’s found any missing items lately.”

“Let’s not,” Sebastian replies. “I thought you were done playing Nancy Drew for the day.”

Abigail toys with the towel that’s wrapped around her slowly-defrosting bag of ice. “Well I’d like to do _something_ besides sit around and watch you two,” she huffs. “Let me play a round. My head feels better now.”

“Play some Prairie King.” Sebastian is studying the pool table, preparing to take his next shot. Across from him, Sam is drumming his fingers on the table as he waits. “I’m not done kicking Sam’s ass yet.”

Sam sighs, and leans forward, resting his arms on the edge of the pool table. “Can’t we take a break, Seb?” He casts a wistful glance over his shoulder, towards the bar. “I’m hungry. Let’s order that pizza.”

“Fine,” Sebastian relents. He sets his cue stick down on the table. “You and Abby go.” Sebastian steps back, and flops down on one of the nearby couches. “I’ll just hang back here.”

“Sure,” Sam agrees. He motions for Abigail to follow him, and together they make their way over to the bar.

Inside the main bar Emily’s weaving between tables, balancing two trays of drinks, while Gus is patiently going over the menu with the farmer. She’s alternating between inquiring about the Saloon’s gluten-free options, and trying to order pizza and a round of beers.

“Ugh, I hope my mom doesn’t hear the farmer talking about her new diet,” Sam complains, leaning back against the counter. “I bet gluten-free pizza tastes gross… what is gluten, anyways?”

“Don’t worry about it, Sam,” Abigail says, “gluten-free stuff costs more; your mom wouldn’t go for it.” She nudges him as something catches her attention. “Hey, look over there for a second. I think Marnie’s flirting with Lewis.”

“Yeah?” Sam says, with mild interest, though he doesn’t turn to look. He’s picked up one of the Saloon’s menus instead, frowning as he reads the list of ingredients at the bottom.

“Yeah. She’s looking at him the way you look at Seb.”

This time Sam looks up, elbowing her in the side as he does so. “Shut up,” he mutters. The lighting in the Saloon is a little dim, but his cheeks are noticeably more pink than usual. “We’re not _out_ yet.”

Abigail smirks. “Come on, people are bound to figure it out eventually. You guys are _so_ obvious about it.” Sam frowns at her, and she decides to take pity on him.

Taking him by the arm, she pulls Sam away from the bar, and into the hallway just next to the jukebox. It’ll be a little harder to hear each other over the music here, but at least the rest of the saloon’s patrons won’t be able to hear them as easily, either.

“How’re things going with you and Seb?” Abigail asks. “You guys gonna do something special for his birthday? You know, Gus rents out that room back here for a very reasonable price. Very romantic... and very private.” She winks at him.

“We, um, already have plans, actually,” Sam admits. “We’re gonna drive out to Zuzu; Seb wants to get his septum pierced. Maybe grab dinner after or something?”

“Very nice,” Abigail replies, grinning. “And what about after dinner? Did you book a hotel room? Should I buy some condoms to throw in with the rest of my gift?”

Sam’s cheeks go red. “Abby,” he groans, “come on. We’ve only been… _together_ for a week, okay? I don’t...” His gaze drops to the floor. “I have no clue how to… you know.”

Abigail places a hand on Sam’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Hey,” she says, “It’s alright. Just… talk about it with Seb, okay? You guys gotta communicate if you want this to work.” She hesitates, then continues, “and, um… maybe ask Harvey about the, uh… mechanics? Look, as much as I want to help, I’m not the best person to ask.”

“Right,” Sam agrees, somehow managing to blush even harder, “um… maybe at my next appointment.”

Marnie laughs loudly at something Lewis says, drawing their attention back to the pair. Abigail’s grateful for the distraction. “Okay, seriously though, what do you think of those two?” She peers over the swinging doors at Mayor Lewis and Marnie. “There’s something there, right?”

Sam raises an eyebrow. “You think they’re together?”

“Maybe? I don’t know.”

“Guess we can’t really ask,” Sam muses. “Doubt Marnie would tell us anything, anyways. At least, not until she’s had a few more drinks…”

“We are _not_ getting her drunk. We have enough alcoholics in this town.”

“No,” Sam agrees. “She seems to be doing a pretty good job of that herself, anyways.”

Marnie’s already got two empty martini glasses on the table in front of her, and another in her hand. She sets that one on the table, too, and leans forward as she laughs at something Lewis says.

“Hey, looks like Gus is finally done talking to the farmer.” Sam pushes the swinging doors open. “Come on; let’s go place our order before she distracts him again.”

Abigail follows him, frowning at Lewis as they walk past. She swears the suspenders he’s wearing look exactly the same as the ones they found in the men’s change room earlier. Grinning, Abigail turns to mention this to Sam, but he’s already talking to Gus at the counter.

“How’s your head?” Gus asks Abigail, as he starts ringing up their usual order. “Do you need a refill on that ice?”

“I think I’ll live,” Abigail replies, “but thanks, Gus.”

“No problem,” Gus assures her, smiling. “Emily should have your order out in a few minutes, alright?”

Sam thanks Gus, and then follows Abigail back towards the arcade. On the way there she fills Sam in on the matching suspenders. “So not only is he flirting with Marnie, he’s got a whole stash of secret sex stuff in his locker,” she tells him.

“They’re definitely banging,” Sam agrees, “that’s so gross.”

He stops at the vending machine by the entrance of the arcade, and Abigail plops down on the sofa next to Sebastian. “We’ve got a hot new clue for the case of the missing shorts,” she announces. “No thanks to you, Seb.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Let me guess, Gus found them?”

“Nope, but think we’ve found someone else who might know where they are.”

“Marnie,” Sam says, ruining her plans for a dramatic reveal. “We saw him flirting with Marnie, and Abby says the suspenders he’s wearing match the ones in that locker. We think they’re banging.” He bends down, and collects two cans of Joja cola from the vending machine.

“Gross,” Sebastian says, “do you really need two cans, Sam?”

Sam pouts. “I don’t complain about your cigarettes.”

“Shut up idiots, you’re both gross,” Abigail interjects. “We _finally_ found a fucking clue, and I'd like to discuss it without you dorks getting off topic.”

Sebastian sighs. “What were you saying about Marnie and Lewis?” he asks. Sam takes a seat next to him on the couch, setting his two cans down on a nearby table, and then draping an arm around Sebastian’s shoulders.

“Well, my theory is that there’s _something_ going on between them,” Abigail replies. “Lewis could’ve left his shorts there. I think they hooked up, he forgot his shorts, and then he was too embarrassed to do a walk of shame back to get them.”

“Oh, Seb did that!” Sam exclaims. “He left his jeans in my bathroom, and I had to tell my mom that they were mine. I don’t think she bought it, though.”

Abigail snorts. “Sam, you wouldn’t even be able to get his pants up to your knees.” She pokes Sebastian in the side. “Look how scrawny he is. There’s no way your mom thought those jeans were yours.”

“Shut up,” Sebastian snaps. “Now who’s getting off topic?”

She pokes him again. “Aww, we’re just teasing, Sebby. And it wasn’t off topic… Sam was just supporting my theory with an anecdote. If it could happen to you it could happen to Lewis, right?” 

Sam and Sebastian don’t answer, either because they think it’s a rhetorical question, or because they can hear the sound of someone in high heels approaching the arcade, and don’t want to risk being overheard. Sam releases Sebastian, and then moves as far away as he can – which isn’t very far, considering they’re all sandwiched together on one couch.  

Emily enters the arcade then, holding a box of pizza in one hand, and a tray of drinks. “The farmer ordered a round of beers for the bar!” she explains with a wide smile. Emily sets the box of pizza down on the pool table, and then moves to hand out their drinks.

“Dude, sweet,” Sam exclaims, as she passes him a pint glass. He sets it down on the table next to his two open cans of Joja cola. Abigail sincerely hopes that he isn’t going to mix them together. Knowing Sam, he probably will.

“I know you don’t drink, Sebastian, so I just brought out your usual,” Emily adds, as she hands Sebastian a glass of ginger ale. He thanks her quietly, looking pleasantly surprised.

“Buy her a drink on me, next?” Abby asks, as she accepts her glass from Emily.

Emily grins. “Of course.”

“Wow, Abby,” Sam says, smirking at her, “looks like someone has a little crush on the farmer.”

Abigail scowls at him. “Shut up, idiot,” she hisses, as Emily laughs.

“I’d be careful if I were you, Sam,” Emily chimes in. “The hot gossip around here lately is that you and Sebastian have a thing for each other.

Sam’s face turns a bright shade of red, while Sebastian takes up a sudden interest in stirring the ice around in his drink.

Emily laughs harder. “Oh my Yoba, your _faces_. No, no, I’m just kidding.” She regains her composure, and then continues, “I was serious about being careful, though; I thought I saw Sebastian climbing out of your window one morning.” She winks at both Sam and Sebastian. “Use protection, okay boys? Harvey’s got plenty in his office if you need any,” Emily suggests, before leaving.

Sam slumps down on the couch. “Shit,” he mumbles, running both hands through his hair. “Everyone in town’s gonna know we’re gay.”

“Well, yeah.” Abigail stands up to grab a slice of pizza, before Sam has a chance to take more than his share. “Gossip spreads fast in a small town.”

“Now we definitely need to find those shorts,” Sebastian decides. “Give everyone something to talk about, before they start talking about _us_.”

Sam nods. “We’re gonna need a really good prank, then. Something bigger and better than running them up a flag pole.” He grabs a few slices of pizza from the box on the pool table, and passes one to Sebastian. “What do you think, Sebby? Maybe we could decorate the town tree with them for Winter Feast?”

“That’s too far away,” Sebastian says, frowning, “we should do something sooner.”

“Don’t forget we need to find the shorts first,” Abigail adds, reaching for another piece of pizza.

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “And how are we going to do that? Break into Marnie’s ranch and loot through her drawers?”

“Do you have a better plan?”

Sam’s eyes widen. “Have you _lost your mind_ , Abby? We can’t break into her house! If my mom finds out she’s going to flip; I’ll be grounded for life.”

“What about you, Seb?” Abigail asks. “You in?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Yeah, why not?”

“Okay, fine,” Sam says, looking reluctant. “If Seb’s in, I guess I am, too.”

“You already lead the town in community service hours,” Sebastian teases. “What’s a few more?” He leans back against the couch and motions for Sam to hand him another piece of pizza. “So what time are we meeting tomorrow?”

“Shane doesn’t work Saturdays,” Sam says, passing Sebastian another slice. “He’ll probably be home all day tomorrow… how are we supposed to sneak in if he’s there?”

“No, hang on, Shane always comes into my dad’s store on Saturdays,” Abigail says. “I think he goes to the Saloon after, so he’ll definitely be out of our way. We just need to worry about Marnie, and Jas-”

“Penny is taking Jas and Vincent to the park tomorrow afternoon,” Sam interrupts, “and then Marnie-”

“Closes her shop around four,” Sebastian adds, “according to my mom. So we just need to camp outside her ranch until she leaves. If she doesn’t... I guess I could go in and distract her. Ask her some bullshit questions about the woodwork, I don’t know.”

Abigail claps her hands together. “Perfect. We’ll meet up outside her house at quarter to four, then. We should probably cut through the farmer’s property; if we take the path from town she’ll see footsteps leading up to wherever we decide to kind. That’s suspicious as fuck.”

“You’re talking this way too seriously, Abby,” Sebastian says, rolling his eyes. “What next, snowshoes so we don’t leave any tracks at all?” He smirks at her. “I think you’re just looking for an excuse to walk by the farmer’s place.”

Abigail ignores him. She wipes her hands off on her leggings – sorry, Mom – and picks up their empty pizza box. “I’m gonna run this back to the counter,” she says, “maybe do a little more spying on my way there.”  She glances back at the boys over her shoulder. “Hey grandpa, want me to get you another ginger ale?”

“Fuck off,” Sebastian replies, passing her his empty glass. She’ll take that as a yes.

She stacks his glass on top of the tray, and carries it back towards the bar. On her way in, Abigail notices the farmer is now sitting next to Shane, and a large pizza, laughing as she takes off her straw hat and drapes it over his head.

Abigail looks away from the pair. They’ve just had a little too much to drink, that’s all.

“Another ginger ale for Seb?” she asks Emily, as she sets the tray down on the counter. Emily nods, taking the empty glass away for a refill, and Abigail glances back at the farmer as she waits.

Shane is definitely tipsy, if not already drunk, because now _he’s_ laughing as the farmer steals his hoodie, and does her best impression of his usual grumpy expression. Abigail wonders what the hell the farmer could possibly see in Shane, because really? The town's alcoholic asshole? That's Abigail's fucking competition? 

Emily saves the day by coming back with Sebastian’s refill, effectively distracting Abigail. “Thanks, Em,” Abigail says, as she accepts the glass.

“No problem!” Emily grins. “Oh, and Abby? Can you let the boys know I’m not going to tell anyone? They looked terrified when I brought up their little... rendezvous.”

Abigail laughs. “They’re not very subtle, are they?”

“They’re cute together,” Emily offers, as she rings up the drink. She glances around the bar, and then lowers her voice. “You know, I actually have Sam for Winter Star this year... do you think it'd be appropriate to get him some books about being gay?”

“That’d be a really good gift,” she agrees.

“I didn’t want to make any assumptions about the two of them, but...” Emily smirks, “well, like you said, they’re not very subtle.”

“It’s almost endearing how bad they are at this,” Abigail says with a laugh. “Thanks again, Em.” She ignores the farmer and Shane as she returns to the arcade, Sebastian’s drink in hand.

Sam has snuggled up to Sebastian on the couch since she’s left, fingers entwined and foreheads pressed together, and the sight is so disgustingly sappy that Abigail almost turns around and walks right back out. Yoba, what is up with all the couples in the Saloon tonight? Robin and Demetrius look downright reserved in comparison.

“Careful, lovebirds,” Abigail says instead, setting Sebastian’s drink down on a nearby table. “Someone else could wander back here and catch you. Emily’s onto you, by the way. She wants you to know your secret’s safe with her.”

“You didn’t order another for yourself?” Sebastian asks, pulling away from Sam just a little.

Abigail shrugs. “I think I’m gonna head out, actually.”

“Wow, kinda early, isn’t it?” Sam frowns. “You sure you don’t want to stay for another round of pool?”

“Yeah… I figured I’d give you guys a bit of privacy,” she says reaching for her coat. “See you guys tomorrow. Quarter to four, don’t forget.” 

The boys give her a half-hearted nod, and Abigail figures they’ll show up at least ten minutes late. She fights back the urge to sigh, waving at them instead, before leaving the arcade for the last time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian getting a septum piercing is the next story in the series. I have it partially written, and to be honest, half my motivation for finishing this current story is being able to post Sebastian's birthday fic.
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](https://pixelatedfarmhouse.tumblr.com/), and steam [here](http://steamcommunity.com/id/spacedoggity).


	4. The Heist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abigail fails a spot check, Sebastian steals some shorts, and Sam buys a chicken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New perspective today! I got a little tired of writing Abby's exclusively, and found that I was able to get a lot more of the story down by throwing in some different POVs. Hope you guys enjoy! (Assuming I still have readers at this point, haha.)

Stakeouts are usually Sebastian’s least favourite part of pulling pranks. Sure, the payoff is almost always worth it, but it’s never fun sitting in an uncomfortable hiding spot for an hour – or worse, _hours_ – while Sam complains, and Abigail shushes him every ten minutes.

“My jeans are _soaked_ ,” Sam whines beside him. “Can’t we just distract Marnie while someone sneaks in and steals the shorts?”

Abigail rolls her eyes. “Stop being so impatient, Sam. You guys do this all the time; I thought you would've quit complaining by now.”

“It’s cold, my pants are soaked, and I can’t feel my fingers,” Sam continues to complain. “I _need_ my fingers, Abby. I play guitar!”

Abigail shushes Sam. There’s the sound of a door opening, and then footsteps crunching through the snow. “That’s gotta be her,” Abigail whispers, “Shane was just heading into my dad’s store when I left.”

“Fucking finally,” Sebastian mutters.

He moves to stand up from where he’s been crouching in the bush, but Abigail grabs his arm, and yanks him back down. “Don’t look, idiot; she might see us!”

Sebastian frowns. “How are we supposed to know it’s her, then?”

“Who else would it be?” she shoots back. They wait until the sound of footsteps gets fainter, and then disappears altogether. Abigail pokes her head around the side of the bush, and then motions for them to follow her.

A bell chimes overhead as they open the door to Marnie’s Ranch. Marnie, who’s still at the counter, looks up with a startled expression.

Sebastian swears under his breath.

“Oh, hello there,” Marnie greets them, her face settling into a smile. She’s got a book in her hand – a romance novel, Sebastian guesses, judging by the shirtless man on the cover that looks exactly like Elliott. Marnie sets aside the book, placing it face down on the counter. “Can I help you three with something?”

“Um,” is Abigail’s eloquent answer.

Sebastian glances around – maybe there’s a problem in the woodwork he can point out? To the right of the shop entrance is the kitchen, and to the left is a fireplace, surrounded by hay and wooden barrels.

Yoba. Marnie’s ranch is a fucking fire hazard waiting to happen. Sebastian’s mom would have a cow if she saw this – he thinks back to last week, when Demetrius had almost blown up the house with one of his dumb experiments. It’d been super satisfying watching his stepfather get chewed out – his mom’s temper could easily outmatch any explosive in Demetrius’ lab. Sebastian should definitely mention this to his mom later.

Now’s definitely not a good time to bring it up, though. An uneasy silence has fallen in the shop, and one of them needs to come with a non-accusatory explanation, fast. Sebastian decides to ask for a bucket – Marnie probably has some sort of milk pail for sale, and it can’t be _too_ unreasonable for them to want one.

“We want to buy a chicken,” Sam blurts out, before Sebastian can say anything. Marnie and Abigail both turn to stare at him with matching looks of confusion.

“What do you need a chicken for?” Marnie asks politely.

Sam has a clear look of panic on his face, and Sebastian’s worried that he’s going to answer with something stupid, like ‘dinner’, when Abigail jumps in.

“It’s for the farmer!” she exclaims. “It’s, um, a birthday gift? We wanted to give her something, uh… useful.” Abigail smiles.

Marnie beams back at Abigail. “Oh, that’s nice! I can definitely help you with that,” she agrees, before busying herself with a notebook. “The farmer’s really great with her animals,” Marnie continues, scribbling something down. “She was here the other day with Shane, looking at his newest hatchlings. Did you know he’s been working on a new breed of special chickens? I could send her one of those, if you’d like. I know she’d just love one!”

“Um, sure,” Abigail agrees, her smile faltering, “send her a special one. And, uh, could you let her know it’s from me?” Sebastian elbows her in the side, and she quickly adds, “And the boys. It’s from me and the boys.”

Marnie nods. “So that’ll be eight hundred gold, and I’ll have it delivered to the farmer tomorrow morning."

Judging by the look on Abigail’s face, she doesn’t have eight hundred gold to drop on a chicken. Sebastian sighs, and reaches in his back pocket for his wallet. “I’ll chip in three hundred.”

“I’ve got four hundred,” Abigail says, checking her own wallet. “Sam?”

Sam comes up with the last hundred, and they manage to pay for one ‘special’ chicken. Sebastian’s not sure what that means, exactly. Maybe it’s deformed, that would be kind of cool.

“Can I help you anything else?” Marnie asks, as she locks their hard-earned money away in her cash box. Abigail shakes her head. “Well, thank you for stopping by! Now if you don’t mind, it’s just about time for me to close shop…”

They take the hint and leave the ranch, loitering by the cow pen.

“I hope the farmer likes her weird chicken,” Sebastian mutters to Abigail, as they wait for Marnie to head out. “That was some of my gas money for Wednesday, I hope you know that.”

Abigail rolls her eyes. “I’ll pay you back. Besides, what was I supposed to do? We wouldn’t have had to spend anything if Sam hadn’t decided to buy a chicken!”

“I panicked, okay?”

“Don’t blame Sam – you were the one who gave the all clear,” Sebastian argues. “I told you we should’ve checked to see if it was actually her.”

“Look, to be completely honest, I forgot Leah lived out here,” Abigail admits. “So that’s my bad… but still! You could’ve just asked her a carpentry question.”

“I don’t know why you’re complaining; now you have a birthday gift for the farmer.”

Abigail groans. “Her birthday’s not until the twenty-eighth, Seb… I’m three weeks early!”

“So? Just say it’s an early present.” Sam shrugs. “Nothing wrong with that.”

Their argument is interrupted by Marnie, who’s finally on her way out of the shop. She waves at the trio as she heads towards town. Or maybe she’s waving at her cows, who are still outside, despite the cold weather. Sebastian feels a little bad for them.

“Coast is clear,” Abigail announces, once Marnie's out of earshot. “For real this time,” she adds, when Sam gives her a look.

“She didn’t lock the door,” Sebastian notes. Which isn’t a surprise – it’s rare that anyone in Pelican Town locks their door during the day. “This shouldn’t take long right?”

“Relax, Seb, you’ll have plenty of time to canoodle later,” Abigail says, giving him a smirk before opening the front door again. “As if you guys haven’t been doing enough of _that_ lately.”

They make a beeline for what they assume is Marnie’s bedroom door – the one directly behind the front counter.

Abigail twists the doorknob, and it clicks. “Shit,” she hisses, “it’s actually locked.” She turns to Sebastian. “Seb, you know how to pick a lock, right? You’re good with mechanics and stuff.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Picking a lock is nothing like fixing a bike, Abby… besides, she’ll know we’ve been snooping if she comes back and her door is unlocked.”

“Maybe there's a back door?” Sam suggests. 

Abigail shrugs. “Worth a shot.”

They exit the ranch again, and file around to the back. There isn't another entrance, but there are a few windows. Sam – the only one who’s tall enough to see into them – lets them know when they get to Marnie’s room. He fiddles with the frame for a minute, and then slides the window up and open. "I have a lot of practice," he says to Abigail, who smirks again, glancing at Sebastian out of the corner of her eye. 

Sebastian scowls back.

“Okay,” she begins, “so I think we should send Seb in through the window-”

“Why _me_?”

Sam reaches out, giving Sebastian’s hair an affectionate ruffle. “Because you’re the skinniest, therefore the least likely to get stuck.”

“Cut that shit out,” Sebastian says, ducking out of Sam’s reach. “Why can’t you go, Abby? You’re the one who wanted to play Nancy Drew.”

Abigail huffs. “Sebastian, look at my ass; there is no way it’s gonna fit through that window. Nope. Not happening.” She lets out a dramatic sigh. “It’s hard being this bodacious… not that you would know.”

“Hey, Seb has a very nice butt,” Sam says defensively.

“Ugh, fine,” Sebastian sighs, ignoring his boyfriend’s comment. “I’ll get them; just stop talking about your ass.” He steps up to the window. “Give me a lift, Sam.”

Sam hoists him up, and Sebastian climbs through Marnie’s bedroom window. Abigail snickers behind them when Sam gives him an encouraging pat on the ass. “We’ll give you the signal if someone’s coming,” Sam cheerfully assures Sebastian, which isn’t all that reassuring, because the three of them have never actually been able to agree on a signal.

It doesn’t take him long to find the shorts, anyways – they’re just lying in the middle of the room. Sebastian’s not sure why Lewis enlisted the help of the farmer to find them if all he had to do was stop and pick them up like a grown-ass adult. Sebastian gingerly retrieves them, with the sleeve of his hoodie pulled down to cover his hand – there’s no way he’s touching Lewis’ gross old man boxers.

“Some fucking quest,” Sebastian mutters to himself. In a louder voice, he announces, “I got them,” to Abigail and Sam.

He hesitates, glancing around Marnie’s bedroom. There’s two sets of drawers, a stool, a potted plant, and – inexplicably – a pile of wood next to her bed. It’s too bad Sam and Abigail are outside – it would have been the perfect opportunity to make a joke about Marnie liking more than one type of wood in the bedroom. Ignoring the woodpile, Sebastian heads for the chest of drawers closest to the window, and pulls the first one open. There isn’t anything particularly interesting in there – just a load of bras… and then a hint of silky, yellow fabric that looks like Lewis’ tie. Sebastian fishes it out of the drawer, and stuffs it in his hoodie pocket.

He can figure out what he’s going to do with it later.

Sebastian hoists himself through the window again, and gracefully lands on his ass, in the snow. Sam laughs. “Shut up, nerd,” Sebastian says, tossing him the shorts. “Some boyfriend you are.”

Sam tucks the boxer shorts under his arm, and holds out both hands to help Sebastian up. He seizes the chance to get Sam back – this is the _second_ time Sebastian’s ended up ass-first in the snow because of him – and yanks Sam forward, sending the taller boy toppling into the snow.

“What the heck, man.” Sam looks over at him and pouts. “I was just trying to help.”

Sebastian just smirks in response.

 

“So, where are we gonna to stash these?” Sam asks, as they start heading for town. “I’m not taking them – my mom might accidentally throw them in the wash. I don’t want Lewis’ gross underwear being washed with my things; it’ll contaminate them.”

Abigail snorts. “Sam, you’re twenty-two years old… shouldn’t you be washing your own underwear by now?” She folds her arms over her chest. “I definitely can’t take them – my mom’s gonna have a cow if she’s finds a pair of men’s underwear in my room. No, scratch that, she’d have an entire fucking barn.”

“Seb?” Sam asks, turning towards him with pleading eyes.

Sebastian sighs. He doesn’t particular _want_ to touch Lewis’s gross boxers again, but lately it’s become impossible to say no to Sam. “Fine.”

Sam grins, and squeezes Sebastian’s hand. “Thanks, Sebby.”

“Penny’s coming,” Abigail hisses, and Sebastian immediately lets go of Sam’s hand. “Hide the shorts!” Sam quickly abandons the plan of having Sebastian stash the shorts, and stuffs the boxers into his own denim jacket instead, buttoning it up to keep them in place. “Act natural,” Abigail whispers, “for the love of Yoba, do _not_ mention the chicken.”

“Hi, Sam,” Penny calls, coming to a stop in front of the trio, “Abigail, Sebastian.”

Sam greets her with an enthusiastic smile. “Hey, Penny!” Sebastian nods at her, and Abigail gives her a little wave. “How was the park?” Sam asks.

“It was nice,” Penny replies, “a little cold, but the kids had fun making snowmen all day. We still haven’t decided what we’re going to build for the festival on Sunday; Jas wants to make a princess and Vincent… well, Vincent wants to build a snowman doing a kickflip?” Abigail laughs, while Sam looks proud. “What about you three, what’ve you being up to today?”

“Well… we took a walk?” Sam answers, glancing at Sebastian, who shrugs in reply. “We were looking for some song inspiration; we’re doing like, a seasonal theme for our first album?” That’s news to Sebastian. “Maybe we’ll do a song about a frozen lake or something.”

“Oh, that’s neat!” Penny replies. “So the band's coming along well, then? Vincent said Sebastian’s been over almost every day this week.”

“Er, yeah, I guess he has,” Sam agrees, and Sebastian’s not sure if he’s blushing, or if his face is just pink from the cold. “We’ve been practicing a lot lately. Winter is a good time to play music, you know? Everyone’s inside, so I can play my guitar as loud as I want.”

Penny nods. “Yes, he mentioned he’s been hearing a lot of noise coming from your room lately.”

Sam’s definitely blushing now – his face has gone noticeably red – and Sebastian can feel his own face heating up to match Sam’s. “Uh, Penny?” Sam asks, hesitantly. “Has Vince said anything else about me? Like, anything weird?”

“Well, Vincent is a very… imaginative boy. He says a lot of, ah, interesting things.” Her brow furrows. “Why?”

“It’s just… he walked in on me and Sebastian sharing a bed the other week. I was wondering maybe if he said anything about that.” Sam rubs the back of his neck. “I told him it’s just what friends do, but…”

“Oh,” Penny says, and the corners of her mouth turn upwards into a smile. “Yes, actually, I think he did say something like that.” She giggles, and then continues, “He told me that guys were hugging in bed last weekend. I thought it was sweet.”

Sam’s cheeks continue to burn bright red. “He didn’t tell anyone else, did he?”

Penny shakes her head. “No, just Jas,” she says, glancing over at younger girl, who’s wandered off to make snow angels underneath a tree. “I don’t think she’ll repeat it to anyone, she’s pretty quiet.”

“Right,” Sam agrees. “Well, it’s not a big deal… I just don’t want him repeating it around town, you know? People might get the wrong idea.”

“I’ll have a talk with the kids about things that they should keep to themselves,” Penny promises, glancing over at Jas again. Turning her attention back to Sam, she says, “Well, it was nice running into you. I should get Jas inside before it gets dark. Good luck with that song!”

Sam cheerfully thanks her, and Penny gives them a tiny wave before leaving to collect Jas.

“Shit,” Sebastian swears under his breath, as the three of them start walking back towards town again. “That’s… what, three people that suspect something’s up now?” He groans. “The whole town’s gonna know if your brother walks in on anything more serious than a hug.”

“We’ll just have to be more careful tonight,” Sam tells him. “Maybe we can bribe him with gummies?”

Abigail grins. “Tonight? Are you guys having _another_ sleepover? Geez, have you forgotten how to sleep when you’re not spooning each other?”

“Don’t be jealous,” Sebastian says, repeating her words from the day before.

“I am not jealous,” Abigail informs him. “Although, it would be nice if you guys thought to invite me once in a while… I mean, you guys would still be pining over each other if I hadn’t begged you to have a talk about your feelings.”

Sam gives her an apologetic look. “We just figured you wouldn’t want to hang out with us if we were going to be kissing and stuff. I mean, you ditched practice yesterday morning, and then you left early last night.” He runs a hand through his hair. “We thought maybe we were making you uncomfortable.”

“Relax, Sam, I’m teasing. I didn’t leave the saloon last night because of you; I just… had some other things on my mind. You know the world doesn’t revolve around you guys and your gay love, right?” Abigail grins at them, and Sebastian rolls his eyes. “I’ve got my own problems and stuff to worry about, too,” she continues, “like my dad making me take embarrassing fliers over to the farmer, ugh.”

“Well, we would invite you over tonight,” Sam replies, “but your mom has that weird rule about no sleepovers, unless they’re at your house.”

“Right,” Abigail agrees with a sigh. “Things would be so much easier if she knew you guys were gay…”

“We’re not outing ourselves for a fucking sleepover,” Sebastian protests. “If _your_ mom knows, _all_ of our moms are going to know.”

The three of them slow to a stop as they approach the edge of town. “Are you guys up for a second sleepover at my place tomorrow?” Abigail asks, turning to face the two of them. “We can all brainstorm some ideas for this prank, and I can veto any of your idiotic schemes that’ll get us grounded until the New Year.”

“Tomorrow?” Sebastian frowns. “Isn’t that your mom’s birthday?”

Her expression tells him that she had forgotten that detail. “Um, yes. Yes it is,” Abigail agrees. “Oops.” She frowns twirling a strand of hair around her finger as she thinks. “Hmm, I don’t think she would mind too much, as long as she doesn’t have to cook anything?”

“Or as long as Sam doesn’t get drunk and serenade her with 'Sweet Caroline' again?” Sebastian asks, smirking.

Sam groans. “You guys promised to stop bringing that up.”

“That was horrifying,” Abigail replies, laughing. “Yoba, do you remember the look on my dad’s face? I thought he was gonna deck Sam.”

“He would never,” Sebastian says. “I doubt your dad even knows how to throw a punch.”

Abigail snorts. “Probably not.” A nearby lamppost flickers on, and she glances over at it. “Anyways, that’s my cue to get the heck home. I’ll ask my mom tonight, and if she says no I guess we can just hang out tomorrow afternoon?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Sam agrees.

She winks at them before turning to leave. “Have fun, you two. Try not to get caught this time.” Sebastian sighs.

“Let’s stop by Joja and get some gummies,” Sam suggests. “Hey, do you think we could bribe my mom with a cake? I bet we could.” Sam grins at him, and squeezes his hand, and Sebastian can’t help but smile back.

“I’m sure that’ll go great,” he replies sarcastically. “Hi mom, I bought you a cake. Hey, do you mind not going in my room? I’m secretly dating my best friend, and we’re gonna spend all night kissing.”

“It could work!” Sam protests. “I mean, either way, we’re definitely gonna kiss all night, right?”

“Definitely,” Sebastian agrees, and Sam presses a quick kiss to his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr [here](https://pixelatedfarmhouse.tumblr.com/), and steam [here](http://steamcommunity.com/id/spacedoggity).


	5. The Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has some feelings, and Dusty is a good boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am real glad I had most of this chapter written already, because I have been doing a lot more playing than writing since the beta update came out.

“Hey, Dusty, I brought you some chicken.”

Alex sets the plate of chicken beside Dusty’s plastic doggy dish, and then lowers himself to the ground. He sits cross legged in front of his dog, despite the fact that there’s a layer of snow coating the ground. Alex can always change into dry pants later.

“No steak tonight, bud,” Alex says, apologetically, when Dusty looks up at him with sad puppy dog eyes. “S’not really that good for you, you know that.”

He glances up at the darkening sky, as he waits for Dusty to finish his chicken. Alex likes it better in the summer, when it doesn’t get dark as fast, and he can sit outside longer and enjoy some fresh air with his dog. 

Through the gaps in the picket fence, Alex can see the farmer standing outside of Pierre’s store, having an animated discussion with Abigail. She produces a large, purple rock from her backpack, and Abigail accepts it with a look of delight. The farmer always seems to have a gift on hand for her favourite villagers; Alex’s not sure how she even manages to fit any of her tools in her bag. He’s pretty sure the farmer doesn’t think too highly of him, though; she rarely stops by Alex’s house with anything for him.

He probably shouldn’t have told her that he didn’t play catch with girls. Or asked her if she owned a bikini. And it definitely didn’t help that Haley had made fun of the farmer’s grass-stained clothes that time she stopped by the ice cream stand to buy a cone from him.

Alex keeps his head ducked, hoping they won’t look in his direction. He can’t make out what they’re saying, but he can hear them giggling about something.

They’re probably laughing at him.

Maybe Abigail’s telling the farmer about the posters in his locker – about how it had looked like a ‘gay porn site had exploded’, according to Sam and Sebastian – and Alex’s stomach twists at the thought.

He hears the comments his grandfather mutters whenever there’s a gay man on the news, or in a show, or a commercial. Alex’s grandmother always scolds her husband whenever that happens, but Alex doesn’t know for sure what his grandmother really thinks of gay people herself. She’s older, things were different back then – gay people weren’t even allowed to get married.

Alex is glad, at least, that it’s not illegal to be gay anymore. Still, that didn’t exactly mean that everybody was all fine and cool with it. The guys on his gridball team had made fun of each other in the showers, accusing other guys of checking them out. They’d made fun of Alex, too, until he’d started doing the same. He feels a fresh wave of regret wash over him as he remembers that he’d done that, just the other day, to Sam and Sebastian in the men’s change room.

Dealing with his teammates had been easy; they didn’t live in town, Alex never had to worry about gossip and rumours making their way out of the locker room and back to his grandparents. But using those same tactics on Sam and Sebastian?

That had been a mistake.

Alex leans forward, propping his chin up with both hands. Abigail had promised she wasn’t going to tell, as long as Alex kept his mouth shut, too… but how long could that last? Girls weren’t very good at keeping secrets. At least, Haley wasn’t. 

“What am I supposed to do, Dusty?” Alex whispers. Dusty rests his head on one paw, looking up at Alex with slow, blinking eyes.

He couldn’t tell his grandparents the truth. He definitely couldn’t tell Haley, either. Dusty couldn’t talk back, and the one person Alex felt he _could_ talk about this sort of thing with…

Well, she’d died twelve years ago.

Alex sniffles. He can feel tears burning in his eyes, and he needs to get a grip – he can’t cry out here, in public, where anybody could see him. He stands up – he’ll come back for the plate later – and turns to leave the pen.

He finds Abigail leaning on the gate, with a look of concern.

“Hey, Alex?”

He’s tempted to tell her to go away. The thing is, Alex’s pretty sure he’s going to start crying if he opens his mouth. He swallows hard, burying his hands in the pockets of his varsity jacket.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbles, kicking at the snow. Abigail doesn’t move from the gate. “Look, I haven’t told anyone, so what do you want?”

Abigail shrugs. “You looked kind of sad,” she says, “and I didn’t really want to go inside and help with dinner, so…”

“Don’t you hate me or something?” Alex asks. It’s a safe assumption – Sam and Sebastian always seem to be making jokes at Alex’s expense whenever he happens to cross paths with them. (And, to be honest, Alex’s made more than a few jokes about them with Haley.)

“Well, you were pretty rude to my friends,” Abigail agrees, “but honestly? I feel bad for you.”

“Why? I’m not… you know,” Alex lies, and she frowns in response. “I just didn’t want you telling everyone I am, okay? My grandfather doesn’t like… people like _that_ , and it would be bad if he thought I was. But it doesn’t matter, ‘cause I’m not going to tell Mayor Lewis, so you don’t have to tell anyone.”

Abigail looks unconvinced. Leaning in closer, she asks, “You know it’s okay if you really are gay, right? Alex, I promise, I’m _not_ going to tell anyone.”

He recoils. “Dude, you _can’t say_ things like that in public,” Alex hisses, shooting her a pointed look before glancing around to make sure that they’re alone. “It’s _not_ okay.”

Alex really hopes that Abigail will pick up on the double meaning there. He can’t bring himself to say the words out loud, to another person – he hasn’t even been able to say them to himself yet. The closest he’s come is whispering them at night, into his pillow.

Abigail seems to get what he’s saying just fine, because she reaches out, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it sometime?”

“You’d do that for me?” Alex asks.

“Well, I’d like it if you apologized to Sam and Sebastian first,” Abigail admits, “they’re my friends, and I don’t like when people are rude to them. I don’t care who started it; it was _not_ okay to call them that.” Abigail sighs, pulling her hand away. “Maybe I’m a little biased, though. I guess I also came over to talk because I wanted to tell you I was sorry, too. I should have stepped in, or something.”

“It’s fine. I’m kind of used to it, I guess? The guys on the team used to give me shit like that all the time,” Alex mumbles. “I would, uh, say things like that… like what I said in the spa. To get them off my back.”

He’s expecting her to start lecturing him about that, but Abigail gives him a sympathetic look instead. “How ‘bout we make a deal, then? You apologize, and I’ll be happy to sit down with you and talk about whatever you want, anytime, okay?” She smiles. “And I’ll try to get the guys to talk to you, too. I definitely don’t expect you to be like, friends or anything, but it’ll be a lot easier to find time to chat if I don’t have to lie and do it behind their backs.”

Before Alex can say anything, they’re interrupted by the sound of someone else calling his name. “Alex?” He glances over his shoulder again, and sees his grandmother standing at the front door. “Alex, dear, you should come inside, it’s too cold to be out at this hour.” She pauses, squinting at him and Abigail. “Abigail? Would you like to come inside too, honey? I’ve got the kettle on.”

“Oh, no thanks Evelyn!” Abigail calls back. “I’ve got to get home for dinner, actually.” She turns to Alex again. “Seriously, I should have been home an hour ago. I meant what I said, though… we can talk any time, okay?”

Alex nods, and Abigail shoots him another quick smile, before taking off towards her family’s shop. He lingers by the gate for a few seconds, watching until Abigail slips into the store.

He probably should have thanked her.

* * *

After some tea and cookies with his grandmother, Alex sits down on his bed with a pad of paper, a pen, and a thesaurus. He's not the best at words, and he feels like a good apology needs some good words. Something more complicated than a simple "I'm sorry." Alex’s not sure why, but he really wants to impress Abigail. There was just something appealing – and intimidating – about a girl who seems like she could kick his ass. He’s seen her out in the graveyard a few times before, swinging a sword around, and Alex definitely does not want to find himself on the business end of _that_.

Plus, he’s pretty sure Sebastian would just laugh in his face if Alex handed over a piece of paper that said nothing but “I’m sorry.” 

It would be a lot easier if he had a computer, Alex thinks, as he taps his pen against the pad. Computers could spellcheck and stuff, and a printed note would look a lot neater than his messy handwriting. Not a lot of people had computers in the Valley, though. Emily and Haley had one – maybe Alex could ask them for help? But then he would have to explain _why_ he was writing an apology note to Sam and Sebastian. 

He tears through a couple sheets of paper before he manages to come up with something half-decent, about an hour after than his usual bedtime. Not that it matters – he has a feeling he won't be getting a very good sleep that night.

Alex gets up early the next morning, and after his morning stretches and a shower, he helps his grandmother with breakfast. He's antsy throughout the meal, bouncing one leg under the table until he's cleared his way through three plates of eggs, and can excuse himself to go for a walk. The note is tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, and Alex feels like it's burning a hole there. 

He stops by Sam’s house first – Sam isn’t quite as threatening as Sebastian is, and if Sam accepts his apology, Alex’s sure Sebastian will too, eventually.

Jodi answers the door. “Oh,” she says, peering up at him, “hi, Alex. I was expecting Penny.” Her brow furrows a little as she studies him. “Did you need something?”

“Can I talk to Sam?” Alex asks. “I, um, need to give him something.”

“Sam’s sleeping still,” Jodi replies, “I don’t think he’ll be out of bed for a while; he was up late last night with Sebastian.” She sighs. “Do your boys your age normally have a lot of sleepovers? I thought Sam might be getting a bit old for them.”

“Um,” Alex says helplessly, because what else is he supposed to say to that? “I dunno?” He should probably just leave, and come back later. Preferably after Sebastian was gone. “Sorry to bother you, I guess I’ll come back later, then.”

Jodi’s expression softens. “Oh, that’s alright. What did you need to give him? I could put it in his room for you.”

“No,” Alex answers quickly. The last thing he needs is Jodi taking a peek at his letter, and discovering that Alex called her son a twink. "That’s okay. I, um, actually forgot it. At home. So, uh, later," he concludes, and before Jodi has a chance to answer, Alex turns and sprints off in the direction of the town square. 

Yoba, he can't do anything right, can he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Alex.


	6. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio come up with a plan for their prank, and the boys give Abigail some relationship advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bumped up the rating this chapter for some super mild sexual content.

Sam wakes up at ten to an empty bedroom, which means that his brilliant scheme of bribing his younger brother with gummies paid off. Sebastian’s still sleeping next to him, with his back pressed against Sam’s chest and his head pillowed against Sam’s left arm. Sam’s other arm is curled around Sebastian’s waist, and he uses it to pull Sebastian closer, pressing a quick kiss to Sebastian’s neck before Sam closes his eyes again.

He only gets to enjoy the warmth and comfort of having Sebastian asleep in his arms for a minute, before Sam hears the telltale click of his bedroom door opening.

“Sam?” his mom calls, and Sam hurries to untangle himself from his boyfriend. “Sam, Alex was just here asking for you.” Jodi steps into his room, and in a panicked, last second attempt to put more distance between himself and Sebastian, he rolls over and off his bed.

“Fuck,” Sam mumbles into the green carpet. He really needs a bigger bed.

“Sam! Language!” his mom scolds.

“Sorry, Mom.”

She sighs as he climbs to his feet, and takes a seat on the edge of his bed. “Honestly, Sam, that bed is far too small for two boys your age to be sharing. I don’t know why you can’t just use the pull-out couch in the living room.”

“Dad usually sleeps there,” Sam explains, which is a shitty excuse because his dad’s been away for almost four years now. “We kinda just got in the habit of sleeping in here, I guess? And, uh, what was that about Alex?” He’d been too busy freaking out at the prospect of his mom  catching him cuddling his best friend-turned-boyfriend to process anything beyond his own name, and Alex’s.

Yoba, Sam hopes Alex hadn’t shown up to tell his mom that they’d been snooping around in the locker room – or worse, that he knew Sam was dating Sebastian.

“He said he needed to give you something? I don’t know what; he ran off when I offered to give it to you.” Jodi’s brow furrows. “Samson you’re not buying something _illegal_ are you? I will _not_ have that in this house.” She shoots a quick, accusatory glance in Sebastian’s direction. Sam’s glad that Sebastian’s not awake to notice.

“Mom, no!” It’s technically not a lie; Sebastian had adamantly refused to bring Sam along on any of his runs to Zuzu. “It’s probably a stupid prank, or something.”

“Well, alright,” she says, looking relieved, but there’s still a hint of suspicion in her eyes. “But if I find anything in your room-”

Sam cuts her off with a groan. “You don’t have to search my room, Mom. I promise I’m not doing anything _bad_ , okay?”

His mom seems satisfied with that answer, because she finally changes the subject. “I’m making a batch of brownies for you boys to bring over to Caroline’s. Can you make your own breakfast, please?”

“Yes, Mom,” Sam agrees.

“Tell Sebastian there’s extra towels under the sink if he wants to take a shower,” his mom adds, before she shuts the door behind her.

“I call dibs on the shower,” Sebastian – who’s evidently been feigning sleep the entire time – mumbles beside him.

Sam manages to make an edible breakfast for the two of them while Sebastian’s in the shower. They slip back into Sam’s room once they’ve finished eating, and spend the rest of the morning curled up together on Sam’s bed watching movies, until Abigail interrupts with a text asking if they’re done canoodling yet.

They’re at her place an hour later, loaded up with brownies, two sleeping bags, Sam’s pillow, and the mayor’s shorts – which Sam stashed in Sebastian’s bag, despite his loud protests.

“Those aren’t pot brownies, are they?” Abigail asks as she eyes the plastic wrapped pan Sam’s holding.

“Dude, shut up,” Sam hisses, glancing around Abigail’s kitchen to make sure Caroline isn’t in earshot. “Don’t joke about that shit. Apparently Alex came over to give us something and my mom thought he was trying to sell me drugs.”

Abigail rolls her eyes. “Okay, your mom has been spending _way_ too much time with my mom.” She takes the pan from Sam, and sets out on the dining table. “So what was Alex doing at your house, since he obviously wasn’t there to sell you guys weed.”

Sam shrugs. “I dunno.”

“Probably just being a dick again,” Sebastian says. “Finally came up with a good comeback two days later.”

“Have you guys considered the possibility that he maybe came over to apologize?” Abigail suggests, leading them out of the kitchen and towards her bedroom.

“Yeah, right,” Sebastian mutters. “Jodi says he ran off, so I guess it doesn’t matter why he was there; he didn’t have the balls to go through with it anyways.”

“Whatever,” Abigail says, though Sam notices that she looks oddly disappointed to hear that. She sprawls out on her bed, and watches as Sam and Sebastian dump their belongings onto her floor. “Did you guys seriously only bring one pillow?”

Sam grins as they set to work unrolling the sleeping bags. “Sebby likes to use my arm as a pillow. It’s cute… you know, until my arm falls asleep.”

Sebastian elbows him in the side, but doesn’t dispute that claim.

“Aww, and you’re even making the megabag,” Abigail coos as they zip the two sleeping bags together. “Or whatever the hell you dorks call it. Either way, it’s _adorable_.”

“You can’t make fun of us; it’s homophobic,” Sebastian protests, although he seems to be having a hard time keeping a straight face.

Abigail grins back at him. “Well excuse _me_ Sebastian, but as a proud bi woman I think I can make fun of you two all I fucking want. It’s my job.”

Sebastian tosses their only pillow at her as a retort.

“So, what do you guys want to do?” Abigail asks, sitting up. “I was gonna paint my nails. Seb I can do yours, too, if you wanna look all nice and handsome for your birthday date.” She smirks at Sebastian before she leans over the side of her bed, and starts pawing at the pile of things spilling out from underneath it.

Sebastian scowls, but there’s also a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. “Shut up. Yes.” He takes a seat on Abigail’s bed, and Sam flops down beside him.

“I’m out of black, just so you know,” Abigail tells him as she retrieves a giant purple make up bag, and dumps it out onto her mattress. “You’re going to have to pick a different colour.”

“Ooh, this one,” Sam says, grabbing a sparkly blue bottle. “Please, Sebby?”

He swats it out of Sam’s hands. “Absolutely not.”

“Come on, it’s dark blue!” Sam protests. “Okay, what about purple?” Sebastian shrugs as he continues to dig through the pile.

Abigail picks up a bottle. “Hmm… purple _would_ match that hickey on Sam’s neck,” she teases.

“Don’t make fun of me; it’s Sebastian’s fault,” he whines, tugging at the collar of his jacket.

Sebastian picks up a black pencil, and a small compact mirror. “You weren't complaining last night.” He tests the pencil on the back of his hand before he raises the mirror, and begins to line his lower left eyelid.

“Oh what, since when you do wear makeup?” Abigail frowns at Sebastian, before turning her attention back to her nail polish collection.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “I have to do my eyebrows, Abby. If I don’t fill them in you can’t see them. How am I supposed to scowl properly with no eyebrows?”

“The downside of being a secret ginger,” she says, smirking, “no eyelashes, no brows, and no soul.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Sebastian sighs. “The ginger jokes got old years ago.”

“Hey, he might be an edgelord but he still has a soul,” Sam argues. “He’s a huge fucking sap when you’re not around, Abby.”

Abigail snorts. “Well, you’re sort of right... he looks like he tried to sap all the blood out of your body with that hickey. I’m sure surprised your mom let you leave the house. _My_ mom would have a heart attack if I walked out of my room with my neck looking like _that_.”

“It’s not that bad, is it?” Sam swipes the mirror from Sebastian, and groans when he sees his reflection. “Oh man…”

Sebastian steals the mirror back from him. “It’s not a big deal, dude, you just need to get some concealer or something. Your mom probably has some.”

“She’s gonna notice if it goes missing, Seb,” Sam replies. “And she’s gonna freak out if she realizes I have it; she’ll know I’m hiding something. You saw how she freaked out earlier over nothing.” He sighs, leaning into Sebastian’s side. “She’s been acting kind of weird lately.”

“Oh hang on,” Abigail interjects, rummaging through her pile again, “I’ve got an old bottle of foundation that's _way_ too dark for me. I mean, look at this,” she says, handing Sam a bottle of peachy liquid. “Can you believe I used to wear this in high school? Yoba, I’m glad I deleted all those pictures.”

“Don’t forget the racoon eyes.” Sebastian smirks as he starts on his right eye. “That was a look.”

Abigail throws a little sponge ball at him. “Yeah? Well Gerard Way called, and he wants his eyeliner back.” Sebastian scowls back, and she laughs.

“So, uh, do I just rub this stuff on?” Sam asks, eyeing the bottle.

“Here, I’ll show you.” Abigail leans forward, taking the bottle from him again. “So the proper way to do this is use a colour corrector first, then the concealer or foundation, and then some setting powder on top.” Sam nods along, although he feels a little lost. “But honestly? You could probably just get away with some foundation, especially since you’ve always got that jacket on.” She nudges Sebastian. “Give him back that mirror Seb, I need to show him how to blend it.”

Sam watches Abigail in the mirror as she dabs some of the liquid on his skin, and blends it in with one of her little sponges. “Where do you get the egg sponge from?”

“Don’t worry about that, just use your fingers,” Abigail assures him. “It’s a quick cover up job, Sam, it doesn’t need to be perfect.”

Sam gives her an appreciate smile in return. “Thanks, Abby.”

Abigail’s bedroom door opens then, and Sam quickly drops the mirror back into the pile. “Abby?” Caroline pokes her head into the room. “What are you up to?”

“We’re painting our nails, mom!” Abigail calls back. “Sebastian wants to know if he should do sparkly blue, or sparkly purple.”

“Shut up,” Sebastian hisses, “no I don’t.”

“Can it wait?” Caroline asks. “I wanted to know if you three could help me pick up tacos and some drinks from the Saloon.”

“Fuck yeah, I’m starving,” Abigail agrees enthusiastically. “Let’s do the polish later; it’s too hard to eat tacos with wet nails.”

After a trip to the Saloon, dinner, and a couple rounds of co-op Prairie King, the three of them pile back onto Abigail’s bed to finish painting nails. “So have you guys come up with any ideas for the prank yet?” Abigail asks, as she unscrews a bottle of deep purple polish. “Ideas that aren’t going to get us all grounded for all eternity, preferably?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “This town sucks, dude. We don’t even have a flagpole to run them up. That’s a classic.”

“We already decided against that, anyways,” Abigail points out. “That, and using them to decorate the town tree for Winter Star.”

“If only we had, like, a solid gold statue of Lewis to put them on,” Sam suggests, sighing. “That would’ve been hilarious.”

Abigail raises an eyebrow. “How exactly would we get a pair of boxers onto a solid gold statue?”

“Does it matter? It’s not like we even have a statue.”

Sam frowns as he watches Abigail paint Sebastian’s nails. Sure, they don’t have a statue… but maybe they could make one? How long would it take to build a statue, anyways? Robin was pretty good at building things, but she usually built houses, not statues. “Leah’s pretty good at sculpting,” Sam muses aloud. “Do you think she could make us a statue?”

“We’d have to pay her for it,” Sebastian replies. “And wait for her to build it. And hope she doesn’t ask us why we want to commission a solid gold statue of the mayor.”

“I don't think she works with metal, either,” Abigail adds. “Ugh, we’d have to ask Clint. Gross.”

Sam drums out a beat on Abigail’s bed as he continues to think. “Um, what about ice? The ice festival is tomorrow, right? So that’s the perfect opportunity to make a sculpture, or - oh, wait, guys! Snowmen! We could make a Mayor Lewis snowman!”

Sebastian grins at him. “Dude, that’s perfect.”

“Yeah, that’s actually not a bad idea,” Abigail agrees. “We need something low-key, especially if you guys want to avoid serving community hours when you’ve got a hot date coming up.” She’s too occupied with her nail polish to nudge Sam, but she does shoot him a wink.

“What about you, Abby? I thought you had a thing for the farmer,” Sam asks, hoping to deflect the subject.

Abigail turns a satisfying shade of pink. “I’ve barely talked to the farmer,” she groans. “I’m not going on any dates any time soon.” She pouts a little, inspecting her newly painted nails. “Besides, I think she has a thing for Shane... they were all flirty at the Saloon the other night; it was fucking disgusting.”

“Gross,” Sebastian agrees.

Sam reaches out and pats her knee. “Hey, there’s still hope, right? I spent years crushing on Seb, thinking there was no way he’d ever feel the same, and then it happened?”

“Years?” Sebastian repeats. “Dude, you should have said something earlier.”

“Yeah, since freshman year of high school,” Sam admits shyly. “Um, what about you?”

Sebastian blushes, untucking a section of hair so that it falls forward to hide his face. “I dunno, I guess I didn’t really figure it out until this summer, when we were watching the jellyfish? I just sort of thought it was normal to want to kiss your best friend sometimes.”

“Yoba, teenage brains are so stupid,” Abigail says sympathetically. “What’s this about the moonlight jellies, though?”

“We were just kind of talking about the future,” Sam answers. “Like moving out and stuff? I mean neither of us really knows what we want to do yet, but we both just knew that we wanted to stick together.”

It’d been a nice moment, sitting side by side on the old wooden dock with Sebastian, sitting so close that their legs were touching, and Sebastian had let his hand rest on Sam’s thigh. He’d looked so pretty, with the soft glow of the jellies lighting his face. If Sam had been a little braver, he might have kissed Sebastian then.

He’s definitely not about to mention that to Abigail, though.

“Hey bro, let’s be together forever. No homo,” Abigail says, in what Sam personally thinks is a terrible impression of his voice.

“Way to ruin a good memory, Abby,” Sebastian groans. “Hey, can you tell us the exact moment you realized you were gay for the farmer? I wanna ruin that for you, too.” He messes with his hair again, then adds in a quieter voice, “at least that night in the maze is still perfect.”

 Sam grins, and leans in for a kiss. “Aw, guys, come on,” Abigail groans, as one kiss turns into two, and then three. “Stop being all mushy and gross while I’m trying to bitch about being alone forever.”

“You’re not going to be alone forever,” Sam assures her. “Sebby and I are experts now, we’ll help!”

“Okay, that is not _nearly_ as reassuring as you think it is,” Abigail replies with a dry smile.

Sam pouts. “Hey, we have plenty of good ideas! Right, Seb?” Sebastian smirks, and nods beside him, while Abigail gives them both a skeptical look. “Okay, so what if… you invite her over one night, and then you pull out the spirit board-”

“Fuck off,” Abigail snaps, “that was a _good_ idea, and it would have worked if you nerds hadn’t been so scared of your own feelings.”

“Maybe you could ask her to take you to the mines,” Sebastian suggests. “You’re always trying to drag us in there with you. Or you could venture in there yourself, if you really want to impress her.”

“Yeah!” Sam agrees. “And then if you get scared you can hold her hand. It’d be so romantic.”

Abigail bites her lip. “I mean yeah, that sounds really great, but what if she’s not even into girls? How many gay people can even be in one small farm town, anyways? There’s already the three of us…”

“Four, if you count Alex,” Sam continues.

“Emily’s gotta be at least a little gay,” Sebastian decides, “and probably Leah. Maybe Elliott, too.”

Sam frowns. “Aren’t Leah and Elliott a thing? They’re always together at festivals and stuff.”

There’s a knock at Abigail’s door, and the conversation quickly drops off. “Abigail, your dad and I are going to bed soon,” Caroline says. “Could you start getting ready for bed, please? I don’t want to hear the three of you traipsing in and out of the bathroom at three in the morning.”

Abigail groans as she climbs off her bed. “It’s only ten, and she’s already trying to make us go to bed… that’s so lame.”

“I think that’s just her subtle way of hinting that she doesn’t want us playing Bloody Mary in the bathroom in the middle of the night,” Sebastian suggests with a smirk. “Or the shadow dude game, or midnight man hide and seek, or whatever dumb cryptid you’re obsessed with at the moment.”

“It’s _one_ man hide and seek, and we’d still be able to sneak out to play ritual games if Sam weren’t so loud!” Abigail argues, shooting an accusatory look in his direction.

“Do you remember when you were in love with slender man for a week?” Sebastian continues, as if he hadn’t heard her.

“Sebastian _shut up_ , I was thirteen,” Abigail hisses. She pulls a pair of navy pajamas dotted with crescent moons out of a nearby pile of laundry, and heads for her door. “Just so you know, I’m gonna take a quick shower before I change; I was too lazy to take one this morning.” She pauses in the doorway, and then calls over her shoulder, “you two better behave, or I’ll draw dicks on your faces while you’re sleeping.”

Sam slides off the bed, and moves to grab his own pajamas. “Um, do you mind if I change here?” he asks Sebastian, toying with the zipper on his backpack.

He’s not actually sure if they’ve reached the point in their relationship where it was cool to just casually strip down in front of each other. Sebastian had always been uncomfortable showing more of his body then he had to – Sam can’t even remember the last time he’d seen Sebastian wearing anything less revealing than a t-shirt and jeans – and Sam doesn’t want to accidentally push things too far.

“Yeah, I guess not,” Sebastian agrees, glancing at the door. “She’s probably going to take a while, right? It’d be faster just to change at the same time.”

Sam nods. “Right.”

He turns his back to give Sebastian some privacy, anyways. It’s probably better if they take slow steps. They’ve already got another sleepover planned for Sebastian’s birthday, and Sam figures he can be a little braver then.

It only takes him a minute to change, and Sam feels stupid for making a big deal out of it in the first place. He turns back to his bag to stuff his clothes inside, and freezes when he realizes that Sebastian hasn’t finished changing – he’s actually completely naked, and Sam has a fantastic view of his bare ass.

Sam stands there, staring, until Sebastian pulls on a pair of black boxers. He quickly busies himself with the drawstring on his own pants, trying to ignore the way the grey fabric is beginning to tent just below his fingers.

He should probably do something about that.

Turning his back to Sebastian again, Sam quickly tucks his erection up against himself, securing it in place with his waistband. He pulls his t-shirt back down over it, and sends a quick prayer to Yoba that everything stays in place. It’d be really bad – and really embarrassing – if Abigail’s mom came in to check on them and saw Sam’s dick.

 “Dude, your face is really fucking red,” Sebastian says when once Sam’s done changing. “What, did you sneak a peek or something?” Sebastian smirks, and Sam feels his cheeks heating up even more.

“It’s just hot in here, man,” Sam mumbles, despite the fact that Abigail’s dad likes to use the heat ‘sparingly’ in the winter.

Sebastian lowers himself to the floor, climbing into the mega sleeping bag. “I’m, um, not complaining if you did,” he continues, giving Sam a shy smile. He toys with the open side of the bag, and Sam takes the hint, climbing in next to Sebastian. “You sure you’re not going to be too warm?” Sebastian asks. “You know, since it’s so hot in here.”

“Shut up,” Sam whines, and then he grabs a fistful of Sebastian’s t-shirt, pulling him into a kiss.

Sebastian threads his hands into Sam’s hair, and it’s not long before his hands move down to Sam’s waist, under Sam’s shirt, and then – after a moment of hesitation – down the back of Sam’s pants. He squeezes Sam, laughing softly as Sam gasps. “Didn’t realize you were going commando,” Sebastian says, pulling back from Sam’s lips, a slight grin on his face. His thumbs trace light circles against Sam’s skin as he waits for a response.

“Well, duh,” Sam replies, which probably isn’t the smoothest response he could’ve come up with on the spot. “It’s weird to wear boxers under pajamas… it’s just too much fabric, dude.”

“It’s winter, dude,” Sebastian retorts. “But if you’re so warm…” he slides his hands up Sam’s side, lifting Sam’s shirt at the same time, “maybe you need to take another layer off.” His eyes flicker down, and then Sebastian freezes, his cheeks bright pink as he stares at the waistband of Sam’s pajama pants, and the head of Sam’s dick poking out of the top. “Oh.”

Sam’s heart hammers away in his chest. He’s really not sure if Sebastian’s surprised in a good way, or a bad way. Maybe seeing your best friend’s dick without warning is just too weird. Maybe Sebastian’s just realized he’s not actually into dudes. Maybe Sam has a really weird dick, and just never noticed.  

He’s about to yank his shirt back down and apologize, when Sebastian leans in again.

“Can I?” Sebastian whispers, and Sam’s reminded of that night back in the maze, when he’d asked Sebastian the same question. Of how amazing it had felt to finally kiss his best friend, first in the maze, and then in the privacy of his bedroom, pressed up against each other with-

“You losers better be wearing clothes,” Abigail calls through her bedroom door, which gives Sebastian only a few seconds to drop Sam’s shirt, before she bursts into the room.

“Didn’t give us much warning there,” Sebastian mutters.

Abigail rolls her eyes. “Twenty minutes is plenty of time to change,” she replies. “Unless you two didn’t listen and were doing something naughty.”

Sam’s not sure how it's physically possible, but somehow his face is burning even hotter.

“Holy Yoba... you were, weren't you? How could you?” Abigail demands, although she’s grinning. “Right in front of David Jr!” She grabs a blanket from her bed, balls it up, and tosses it at Sebastian’s head. “At least throw a blanket over his cage next time, you _pervs_.”

Sebastian smirks. “Oh, is that what you do when you get kinky with your spirit board ghosts?”

Abigail looks like she’s about to make a rude comment in return, but there’s another knock at her bedroom door before she gets the chance. She sighs, flopping back onto her bed. “ _What_ , Mom?”

Caroline enters the room. “There’s no need for that tone, Abby – I just came in to see if you needed anything else before bed… boys, I could grab you an extra pillow if you want?”

“We’re fine, thanks,” Sebastian answers.

Caroline narrows her eyes in their direction, and Sam wonders if only having one pillow for the two of them is too suspicious. “Alright then,” she says, and he relaxes, “goodnight.” She gives them all a warm, but stern look as she moves to close the door. “No funny business, Abby.”

 “Yoba, Mom, how many times do I have to tell you? We’re not going to have a threesome!” Abby rolls onto her stomach as her mom closes the door, giving Sam and Sebastian a look that perfectly matches the one Caroline just gave them. “You guys hear that? No funny business. I know, that’s going to be super hard for you-”

“Speaking of hard-” Sebastian begins, but Abigail cuts him off.

“ _No_. There will be no hanky-panky under my watch, got it? If I wake up to you guys going at it, I’m going to castrate you both.” She gives them both a stern look as she pulls her covers up.

“Just wait until she falls asleep,” Sebastian mumbles.

“I can hear you,” Abigail announces. “Go brush your teeth or something, don’t be gross.”

Sam grins, and kisses his shoulder. “Come on, Sebby,” he says, giving his boyfriend’s ass a quick pat. “Let’s go finish getting ready for bed.”


	7. The Prank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abigail builds a snowman with Sam and Sebastian, Lewis has no appreciation for art.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, I did a little illustration for this chapter, so fair warning: there is a picture of a snowman wearing boxers further down this page. I wouldn't call it nsfw exactly, but it might be hard to explain, so maybe don't have this open if there's other people around. ;)

“You guys remembered to grab the shorts, right?” Abigail asks, as she stacks the head of their Lewis snowman onto its body. They’d woken up bright and early for the Festival of Ice that morning – mostly because Abigail’s mom had come in to double check that the boys weren’t in bed with her. (Abigail wonders if her mom noticed that Sam and Sebastian were actually snuggled up with _each other_.)

Sebastian produces the boxers from the pocket of his hoodie. “I’m going to have to burn this sweater now,” he mutters.

“No you won’t,” Sam argues, adjusting the snowman’s yellow tie, “you almost never take that thing off.”

They drape the silky purple boxers over the lower half of the snowman, and secure it in place with some tightly packed snow.

“Hold on,” Sebastian says, stepping backwards to study their work. “I have an idea.” He pulls the carrot they were using as the nose out of the snowman’s head, and inserts it behind the boxers, tenting the fabric.

Sam laughs. “Holy fuck, Seb; you’re a genius.”

“We’re going to get about twenty extra hours of community service for giving it a boner, I hope you guys know that,” Abigail says. She can’t help grinning, though; it’s probably the best snowman they’ve ever built.

Sebastian shrugs. “We’re doing him a favour; I could’ve used a baby carrot.”

Sam laughs harder, and Abigail has to elbow him to get him to shut up. She glances over her shoulder to see if anybody’s noticed the raging hard-on their snowman is sporting. Penny was attempting to coax Vincent away from the ice, while Jas collected pebbles to decorate their snowman; Emily was redressing Clint’s snowman, batting his hands away whenever he tried to help; and Alex was sculpting a six-pack on his snowman, pausing to flex next to it while Haley snapped pictures on her phone.

“He’s definitely into dudes,” Sebastian comments, nodding towards Alex.

Abigail elbows him. “Don’t go starting another fight, Seb. We’re already going to be in enough shit when Lewis figures out who built this snowman.”

Lewis, still blissfully unaware of the snowman that’s now wearing his silk boxers, calls for the fishing tournament to begin, and the three of them shuffle towards the pond with the rest of the townspeople.

Abigail ditches Sebastian and Sam to go stand with her parents; she can only tolerate so many ‘master baiter’ jokes. That, and watching the two of them  attempt to inconspicuously hold hands proves to be far more entertaining. They brush hands a couple of times – and even though their faces are both pink from the cold, Abigail can tell they’re blushing – before linking their pinky fingers together.

The farmer’s participating in the fishing tournament for the first time this year, except she’s doing such a bad job that it’s almost painful to watch. Halfway through she manages to get her fishing rod stuck – to what, Abigail’s not exactly sure – and Willy ends up winning the tournament as usual.

“Well that was fucking excruciating,” Sebastian comments once Abigail meets up with the boys again.

“Quiet,” Abigail replies. “You know what’s excruciating? Watching Sam get his ass kicked at a game he’s been playing every Friday night for thirteen years.”

“At least I don’t get my cue stick stuck to anything!” Sam protests.

A sudden shout from the Mayor prevents them from bickering any further. “Who made this?” Lewis yells. Sam grabs Abigail’s arm, and pulls her into a nearby bush, along with Sebastian.

* * *

* * *

“Who do you think he’s gonna blame?” Sam asks as they watch from inside the bush.

“I mean, us, obviously,” Abigail answers. “Or more specifically, you two, since you’re always the ones causing trouble.”

“Nah, I think he’s actually going after the farmer,” Sebastian says. “Look.”

Abigail winces as Lewis marches over to the baffled looking farmer. “You!” he yells. “Is this some sort of sick prank? Those are very private!”

“Oh, Yoba,” Abigail moans, “I didn’t think she was going to get in trouble for it!”

Sam frowns. “Um, should we go rescue her? I mean, I don’t really want to get grounded, but I feel really bad letting the farmer get blamed.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees, though he looks a little reluctant. “Maybe he’ll take pity on me and assign the service hours after my birthday…” He snorts. “Probably not, though.”

Abigail sighs. She’s definitely not about to let the farmer take the fall for the prank – not when Abigail was the one who stole the Mayor’s letter from her – but she’s also not about to ruin Sebastian’s birthday. _Especially_ not when he’s about to go on his first date with Sam. “You guys owe me,” she mutters to them, “so fucking much, I own your souls now.”

“What?” Sam asks.

Abigail crawls out of the bush, and makes her way towards Lewis, who’s still laying into the farmer. Most of the other townspeople have already left, but a fair number of them seem to have lingered behind to watch the scene. Alex is amongst them, frowning, and Abigail decides she needs to make her confession _now_ , before he can tell Lewis about the locker room.

“I did it,” she declares, loud and clear, stepping out of the small ring of people gathered around the Mayor and the farmer. “I made the snowman.”

Lewis looks caught off guard, but only for a second. “Where’s Sam and Sebastian?” he asks, rounding on her instead. “I know those two helped – they’re always up to no good.”

Abigail shakes her head. “They didn’t, I just found the shorts and thought it would make a funny snowman. What’s the big deal, anyways?”

“Those shorts are my personal property!” Lewis yells, and Abigail’s surprised that he’s publicly admitting to owning the most obnoxious pair of men’s underwear she’s ever seen. “I don’t know how you got hold of those, but I know those boys had something to do with it!”

“We found them in the spa,” Alex pipes up, and Abigail turns around to give him a ‘what the fuck do you think you are doing’ look. “I, uh, ran into Abigail there when I was finishing up my work out, and I asked her if she knew who those shorts belonged to? ‘Cause they were just lying on the floor of the locker room, and I thought they were someone’s swimming trunks? But she didn’t know either, so uh, we thought it would make a good snowman?”

Lewis doesn’t look like he’s buying a word of Alex’s story, and Abigail is honestly just impressed he was able to come up with something that plausible-sounding on the spot.

“Um, yeah,” she agrees. “Sorry; we didn’t know they were your swimming trunks?”

“They’re not,” Lewis mutters, but he doesn’t clarify any further. In a louder voice he continues, “and I most definitely did not leave them on the floor of the change room, so-”

“Mayor Lewis, isn’t it possible that you just forgot where you left them?” Marnie interrupts. “Where else would the kids have found those shorts?”

Marnie, Abigail decides, is her new favourite person in town. She makes a mental note to give Marnie a discount the next time she comes into the general store, because she definitely just saved Abigail’s ass.

“It’s possible,” Lewis replies, his tone matching the reluctant look on his face. “But they made a very rude and inappropriate display out of them, and I’m not about to overlook that.”

“I’ve got some fish they can help gut,” Willy interjects, gesturing to the wooden crates of fish still sitting on the frozen ‘pond’. “I’ll take care of ‘em, Lewis. You should prolly just take those shorts home and give ‘em a good wash.”

Marnie beams at Willy. “That’s a great suggestion! Here Lewis, give me those shorts and I’ll go pop them in the machine right now.”

Lewis looks flustered at the thought, but he nods. Turning back to the farmer, he begins to quietly apologize for causing a scene. The last of the crowd starts heading for the path back to town, and Willy motions for Abigail and Alex to follow him.

“Man, what the fuck just happened?” Alex asks as they trudge along after Willy.

“Marnie and Lewis are banging,” Abigail answers, which probably isn’t the most eloquent way she could have put it. “We found the boxers in her bedroom. I think that’s why he didn’t make bigger fuss – he couldn’t accuse us of breaking in to steal them without admitting he left them there.”

“Wait what?” Alex asks, with a blank look. “I thought you guys found them in the spa? That’s why you were snooping around in there, right?”

Abigail smirks. “Well, you’re sort of right. We tried looking for them there first, but all we found was your, ah… posters.” Alex blushes, and looks away. “I haven’t told anyone, by the way,” Abigail assures him in a lowered voice.

“Thanks,” he says quietly.

They stop at the edge of the pond, and Willy passes each of them a crate full of fish. “Yoba, this is so gross,” Abigail chokes out, staggering a little under the weight of the wooden crate. “I think I’m actually going to throw up.”

“It’s not so bad,” Alex replies, despite the fact that he looks just as sick as Abigail feels.

Abigail manages to laugh without throwing up. “Really? ‘Cause your face is starting to match your jacket.”

“Hey, we’re supposed to be in this together,” Alex protests. “Don’t be mean… I could’ve just said nothing!”

“I don’t know why you didn’t, honestly,” Abigail replies, “I was ready to take the blame.”

“Why did you?” he asks, frowning. “Sam and Sebastian helped, aren’t friends supposed to all take the fall together? That’s not good teamwork if they just let you get in trouble.”

Abigail makes sure they’re out of Willy’s earshot before answering. “Look, let’s just say I owed them a favour this time... and obviously I couldn’t just stand back and let the farmer get in trouble. She’s, um, really nice, you know?”

Alex nods. “Yeah, I don’t even know why he blamed her in the first place? I mean, why would she know where his shorts are?”

She shrugs; Alex doesn’t need to know about the letter. “It doesn’t matter now, I guess.”

They fall into silence, and Abigail’s kind of grateful, because she’s almost out of breath from talking and trying to carry a heavy crate of fish at the same time. (Yoba, she’s going to need to get into better shape if she ever wants to go adventuring.) Alex seems to be searching for something to say, though.

“So, um, I did actually write an apology letter for Sam and Sebastian,” he begins, “and I took it over to Sam’s house yesterday.”

“I heard,” Abigail replies. “I also heard that you ran off?”

“Sam’s mom answered the door, and I told her that I had something to give to Sam, but she said he was still sleeping and then she offered to give it to him? But I was scared that she’d read the note. I mean, you’ve met Sam’s dad… he’s _huge_.” Alex winces. “He’d beat the crap outta me if he found out I called his son a twink.”

“Honestly? I think you might be right,” she agrees. “Not about getting beat up – although you _would_ – but about Sam’s mom reading the note. Running away was still pretty stupid, though; Jodi thought you were trying to slip Sam the devil’s lettuce.”

Alex gives her another blank look. “What?”

“Nevermind,” Abigail says quickly. “Look, I’m probably going to be grounded for the next ten years, but you should come to the Saloon with us some time. We hang out there every Friday night, and it might be a good time to apologize to them. In person.”

He looks terrified at the thought, but he nods. “Can I still give them my note, though?”

“Read it, Alex. You’re a grown ass man, you know how to use your words.”

Alex flushes a little. “I’m not so good at reading,” he admits. “The words kinda get all mixed up out of order and stuff, even though they’re written down.”

“Oh,” she says. “I didn’t know that. Sorry.”

“It took me a really long time to write it,” he admits, staring down at his crate of fish instead of her. “You probably think I’m _really_ dumb now.”

“No, I don’t think you’re dumb. Everyone’s bad at something, right? Hey, I passed my last high school math class with a fifty one. Mostly ‘cause I didn’t do my homework. But still, that was pretty dumb of me.”

He smiles at her, and it’s kind of nice, seeing a warm smile on his face, instead of his usual smug, arrogant one. “Thanks, Abby. You’re really nice too, you know?”

Abigail laughs. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you heard how I talk to Sam and Sebastian… ‘idiot’ is practically my pet name for them at this point. They’re like my big, dumb, older brothers, and that’s why I gotta stick up for them, you know?”

“You’re a good friend,” Alex tells her. “Um, maybe this is stupid, but maybe we could be friends, too? I don’t really have any in Pelican Town, except for Haley.”

“We’ll see how that apology goes,” Abigail teases, and he smiles at her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done! It took a literal year for me to do it, but it's done! Thank you to everyone who stuck with this silly story despite the long delays between updates. <3
> 
> The next story in this series is the promised birthday-date fic. It will a be short 3 chapter story, 2 of which are already finished. Loose plans to release the first one around the end of November/beginning of December. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr [here](https://pixelatedfarmhouse.tumblr.com/), and steam [here](http://steamcommunity.com/id/spacedoggity).


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